As many of you probably know, Franz Schubert was a pretty prolific composer of classical music. He created an amazing body of work including 9 symphonies, and several piano solos and compositions. He is now considered one of the best musical minds of his era. Schubert died from Typhoid at the age of 31.
31!
I can't even imagine! It wasn't until that last year that Schubert was even recognized as being the master that he was. His life was cut in half by an unexpected disease, but look at the legacy he left behind! In only 31 years Schubert brought some of the best music the world has known.
And then, being who I am, I thought of myself. If my life got cut short at the age of 31 what kind of legacy would I leave? Not a very good one, I can tell you that. We can't all be Schuberts and Van Goghs, but we can create a legacy of our own. When do you think Schubert started creating his? I'd say since childhood. He took professional lessons from an early age and he worked his whole life to become who he is now. What the Hell have I done to become who I will become? Not a single thing! I don't want to start my life at 25, I want to start my life now! What if I leave this life unexpectedly? I will not leave with peace! I would leave with shame!
Well, surely, something must be done! I need to move things along!
So I want to move back to Idaho. There is nothing for me here. I have wasted away here since I acted out and I have made little progress. I have sat here, stagnant. A failure left to suck on the prodigal teet of parenthood. I am here as a crutch. Well, I'm not broken. I'm in perfect health. I just feel sorry for myself. I am not proactive. I am not active. I have no motivation or self-confidence to talk to a stranger. To stick up for myself. To make new friends. To ask somebody out on a date. To LIVE!!
"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived." ---Thoreau
And so, to suck out the very marrow of life, what am I to do? Get one! I need to
A- live in a city
B- have male role models around me with the same standards I do
C- a singles ward
D- possibly, a support group for people like me consisting of my very best friends?
These things all lead me to Idaho Falls. I want to live! I want to get my self-confidence back. I want to overcome my addictions and have friends. I want romance!
I realize that moving to IF isn't going to solve all my problems. I need more than just a new atmosphere, I need a new attitude. I need to convince myself that I need to take action if I want to be a worthy member of the church, which I do.
So here's the plan. I need to leave New Hampshire with firm footing or I will fall. If I can go without my addictions for a solid month before January, then I will leave. And never come back to stay.
Is that motivation enough? It better be. Hard work is difficult. What was I supposed to expect? A Twinkie? I think not. Life is not a Twinkie, It's 50-lb. bags of whole grain wheat, sugar, and a cow. You need to make the Twinkie yourself.
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