Relationships: People You Know

This is part of a series I am trying to do in order to establish a social protocol. There has already been an earlier entry a couple of posts ago. Feel free to comment and discuss any disagreements or suggestions.

Relationships: People You Know

Teacher at School:

This person is a professional. They know more than you do. They challenge your mind and test your knowledge and, overall, have your best interests at heart. They more than likely are doing what they are doing because they strongly believe in helping you reach your potential. Because of this, respect them. They work more than you know with more care and concern than you are aware, so PLEASE follow these simple guidelines so they don’t go insane. Do what they tell you. TRY on your homework, which you should do. NEVER demean them, talk down to them, or argue with them about something unrelated to your education. They more than likely have different opinions than you, but you should still respect what they have to say in regard to what they’re teaching. You are around this person quite a bit and may possibly become friends. However, it is inappropriate in 99.998% of situations to romantically engage a schoolteacher at any level. As friends, remember that teachers are very busy and often have hundreds of students and may not return your friendship on the same level. In this relationship, the teacher affects each one of the students equally. If the unit of effect is 1 for each student, it is also 1 for the teacher. The entire class affects the teacher as much as the teacher affects each individual. Platonic love may be present in this relationship.

Religion Teacher:

You are more than likely closer with your Sunday School teacher than your secular school teacher. The subject matter is much more personal and real. Therefore, you may become very close with your religion teacher. Also, your religion teacher is more likely to be closer to your age. In church the teaching is done by all, and the teacher is more of a leader. Thusly everyone benefits 1 from each other. The teacher is merely a guide for the discussion. Discussion should be filled with love and wisdom and should not consist of backbiting, gossip, or harmful remarks. Respect everyone in the class and what they have to say. Do not interrupt. Never discuss politics in church. Come to class prepared, having read the material to be discussed in class.

The Unfriendly Co-worker:

We spend lots of time at work, and often with the same people. Over time, you can develop a special relationship with your co-workers. If nothing blocks that relationship, you will more than likely become good friends with your co-workers. Every so often, however, co-workers might not like each other. This creates a very awkward situation. Assuming you are not this type of co-worker (you should always try to be friendly with co-workers) certain behavior is unacceptable. You should never encourage someone at work to be unfriendly. This includes, but is not limited to, spreading gossip, being unfriendly yourself, mocking, discriminating, persecuting, categorizing co-workers as enemies in some work-related competition—organized, or otherwise—and leaving co-workers out. Once a co-worker has become unfriendly to you, do not reciprocate. Maintain friendliness despite everything. You should be working on regaining friendly relations with this person. How you do that is up to you. Remember that attitude is everything! “Killing them with kindness” is an unacceptable attitude. You are being nice, only so they feel uncomfortable with their feelings. You can still be nice, but be sincere.

The Boss:

It is in your best interest to become friends with this particular co-worker. Your continued employment with this company, as well as your raises, position, and comfort count on positive relations with this person. These relations are based on your performance, as well as friendliness. You need to do what your boss tells you to within reason. It is unacceptable for a boss to ask of you something against company policy, the law, or ethics. This type of behavior must be reported to a higher authority. If your boss is treating you a certain way, they are more than likely treating other employees the same way. It is your responsibility to keep your boss in line as far as unacceptable behavior is concerned. The boss most likely doesn’t show their faults to their superiors. Reporting improper behavior is the employees responsibility. Hopefully this never happens. With minor incidents, the employee should talk to the boss directly. Only major issues should be discussed with upper management. You can still be friends with your boss, but remember: a boss is a boss first, and a friend second. Their evaluation of your performance should not be based on your friendship, but on your performance. Any negative comments should not be personal, but professional. They are a person, too.

Non-Friend Fellow Church-goers:

Always maintain friendly connections with all fellow church-goers no matter what. New members need friends and positive reinforcement. For many people, religion is a complicated subject and you should never do anything that might create a negative experience for someone at church. Also, someone’s relationship with God is their own business, and not yours. Do not pry into their past, or their struggles. Do not create a clique in your church circles. Always try to invite new people. Remember, we are all striving toward the same goal, otherwise we wouldn’t be there.

Your Friend/Brother/Sister/Roommate’s Girlfriend/Boyfriend:

PLAY NICE! Who somebody likes, or is attracted to, can be personal. Several complicated situations could arise. If you like the person they are dating, back off. They’re dating them now. You should not be trying to break them apart so you can have a chance. You should not consider it a betrayal, especially if they didn’t know you liked them before. You are most likely closer to the friend/brother/sister/roommate than you are to the girlfriend/boyfriend. Remain cordial relations with the gf/bf. You should also understand that some people are off limits. If a friend/brother/sister/roommate dates someone you have already dated without your blessing, your friendship should be called into question. This is definitely an off-limits relationship. You need to let your friend know. Never confront your friend about a “poor choice” significant other. Let them see it through. You do need to confront if the relationship becomes damaging to either one. In the meantime, play nice, and go forward.

The Annoying Boy/Girl From Class That Thinks You Two Are Friends, But You’re Really Not:

This is awkward. Let them know that you’re not really friends. It is tough, and seems rude, but if you just don’t want to be friends let them know. Try not to let a relationship develop if you are not sincere. This can cause a broken heart when they find out you’re not really friends. If your other friends are sincerely friends with this person, then try to become friends with them. Do not ignore them, put them down, be rude to them, shame them, mock them, or talk about them behind their back. Such behavior is immature and unacceptable.

Long, random, meaningful, and overdue

I wrote this letter to an old friend while he was on his mission, but did not have the courage to send it. Besides, the government of the country he was in...not to be trusted. He might not have ever gotten the letter anyway.

well, here goes. We'll call him Brandon to protect his identity.

Brandon!

I know I said that I would write to you when you left, but it is only with thoughts of your return that I'm actually doing it. If you didn't notice, you got to witness my favorite pen die. Lame.

Anyway, I had a great year at BYU-Idaho. I absolutely loved it! I met so many friends there. I had both the happiest and saddest moments there, the latter of which has caused me to never be able to go back. I wish I could return, but I have chosen to reflect on how wonderful it was, instead of how wonderful it could have been. I imagine you had more joys from Rexburg than I did.

I guess now would be a good time to have a point to this letter. I just want to say how grateful I am to have met you. Your arm of friendship meant more to me than any other friendship before or since. This is not because it was all that close of a friendship, or because we shared so many great times, but because of the effect ift had on my testimony.

When we became friends I was not living my life the way I ought to. I didn't know it at the time, but my life was being overrun by Satan. I had not, as yet, considered whether or not the church was true. Yet, as we became friends I knew what you and [Tyler, let's say] might think about the things that I was doing. It was not a big step from "What do my friends think about what I'm doing?" to "What does my Father in Heaven think about what I'm doing?"

Soon after that I started changing my life around. It all started one day when you just started being my friend.

I would have liked to leave on my mission before you got back from [a South American country] but I'm afraid that is far from the truth. I was scheduling to write a letter to the 1st Presidency sometime this Fall, after which I might appeal to go on a mission, and might have been able to leave as early as March 2010! Unfortunately, I messed up big time after my second semester in Idaho. Now my only chance would be writing a similar letter of appeal in several YEARS and even then with a much less chance of being able to go.

How easily the hearts of men are provoked by Satan!

Over the years, I have gotten proficient at determining a positive attitude, and choosing not to get offended. So I will go forward, chin high, and take whatever life offers me. As Nephi, I will rejoice in God's glory instead of wallowing in my agony.

I don't know why I'm telling you this, but since you left, I have discovered something about myself: I am attracted to men. Last Summer, when I could finally admit to myself this truth, I was met with some measure of peace. When I discovered the church's view on it, I was met with even more peace. The attractions themselves are not a sin, but acting on them is. I was overjoyed! Not only this, but I was introduced to an online network called "Northstar!" There there were many dozens of other guys also struggling with same-sex attraction (SSA) who want to stay faithful in the church. More peace. Then, I met several other guys who struggled with SSA in Rexburg and Idaho Falls. In that support group I met some of the best friends ever. More peace.

Anyway, because of you, I will never be able to live my life the way man would tell me to and appease that side of me, but because of you, I have also found more peace and joy through righteous living more than I could any other way.

For these reasons, I consider the friendship we had some years ago the most important one in my life. I would never be able to thank you enough for that simple act of friendship nearly 5 years ago. The road is long and hard, but through the Lord, I will prevail!

Still your friend,