I wrote this letter to an old friend while he was on his mission, but did not have the courage to send it. Besides, the government of the country he was in...not to be trusted. He might not have ever gotten the letter anyway.
well, here goes. We'll call him Brandon to protect his identity.
Brandon!
I know I said that I would write to you when you left, but it is only with thoughts of your return that I'm actually doing it. If you didn't notice, you got to witness my favorite pen die. Lame.
Anyway, I had a great year at BYU-Idaho. I absolutely loved it! I met so many friends there. I had both the happiest and saddest moments there, the latter of which has caused me to never be able to go back. I wish I could return, but I have chosen to reflect on how wonderful it was, instead of how wonderful it could have been. I imagine you had more joys from Rexburg than I did.
I guess now would be a good time to have a point to this letter. I just want to say how grateful I am to have met you. Your arm of friendship meant more to me than any other friendship before or since. This is not because it was all that close of a friendship, or because we shared so many great times, but because of the effect ift had on my testimony.
When we became friends I was not living my life the way I ought to. I didn't know it at the time, but my life was being overrun by Satan. I had not, as yet, considered whether or not the church was true. Yet, as we became friends I knew what you and [Tyler, let's say] might think about the things that I was doing. It was not a big step from "What do my friends think about what I'm doing?" to "What does my Father in Heaven think about what I'm doing?"
Soon after that I started changing my life around. It all started one day when you just started being my friend.
I would have liked to leave on my mission before you got back from [a South American country] but I'm afraid that is far from the truth. I was scheduling to write a letter to the 1st Presidency sometime this Fall, after which I might appeal to go on a mission, and might have been able to leave as early as March 2010! Unfortunately, I messed up big time after my second semester in Idaho. Now my only chance would be writing a similar letter of appeal in several YEARS and even then with a much less chance of being able to go.
How easily the hearts of men are provoked by Satan!
Over the years, I have gotten proficient at determining a positive attitude, and choosing not to get offended. So I will go forward, chin high, and take whatever life offers me. As Nephi, I will rejoice in God's glory instead of wallowing in my agony.
I don't know why I'm telling you this, but since you left, I have discovered something about myself: I am attracted to men. Last Summer, when I could finally admit to myself this truth, I was met with some measure of peace. When I discovered the church's view on it, I was met with even more peace. The attractions themselves are not a sin, but acting on them is. I was overjoyed! Not only this, but I was introduced to an online network called "Northstar!" There there were many dozens of other guys also struggling with same-sex attraction (SSA) who want to stay faithful in the church. More peace. Then, I met several other guys who struggled with SSA in Rexburg and Idaho Falls. In that support group I met some of the best friends ever. More peace.
Anyway, because of you, I will never be able to live my life the way man would tell me to and appease that side of me, but because of you, I have also found more peace and joy through righteous living more than I could any other way.
For these reasons, I consider the friendship we had some years ago the most important one in my life. I would never be able to thank you enough for that simple act of friendship nearly 5 years ago. The road is long and hard, but through the Lord, I will prevail!
Still your friend,
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