Guilt (God) v. Shame (Satan)

from an attempted agnostic perspective

What is guilt? Furthermore, what is shame? What does God have to do with anything?

These questions are difficult, and the answers are based on belief, rather than on fact. Science is a very fickle thing. It changes radically and abruptly. We might cling onto an incorrect idea for centuries before science, which proved it in the first place, proves it wrong. Science is a great way to look at the dead things in the world. But faith is a great way to look at the living things in the world—how to interact with each other, with nature, and with God. Faith can change, too—inside ourselves—as we grow closer to the Truth. Science and faith both point towards truth and none of us can truly hope to get there. Faith is how we learn inside ourselves, whereas science is how we learn of things outside ourselves. Since guilt, shame and God are all inside us, let’s stick with that for this one blog post. I should furthermore point out that this post refers to my current understanding of the world, and is open to discussion. I will be declaring, as if fact, the things inside of myself.

There is a law inside all of us. God placed it there. Many call it “the light of Christ,” or more secularly, a “conscience.” It has nothing to do with the laws of the government. Right and wrong is different for everyone. The laws inside us change, are fluid, and are most apparent when we are close to Truth. Since all of us have the ability to choose, we can go against these laws. You might call that sinning. You might think that you’re only going against yourself, but remember: God put the laws there. You’re also going against him when you break your rules. Whether you’re aware of this connection or not, it doesn’t feel great when you break the rules—which brings us to the happy dialogue of guilt and shame.

Shame is one that everybody will recognize as I start talking about it. It often gets called guilt on accident. Shame makes you feel like you are a bad person. Shame is going to tell you that you’re not worth it. Shame will tell you to give up, or to change your rules because you’re not good enough. Shame comes from Satan. Shame makes us miserable. Shame, frankly, is not proactive, it is not positive, and it just sucks. It is gray ooze that can drown us.

Guilt, which I guess I should call “true guilt,” is a much more benign feeling. Guilt is actually quite simple. Guilt tells us that we shouldn’t have done what we just did. Guilt means we’re sorry for what we did. Guilt means we don’t want to do it again. Guilt is proactive. Guilt can make us want to make things right, to correct our wrongs—to change ourselves for the better. Guilt leads to action. Guilt is remorse.

It is this same remorse that will lead us back to God. Whether or not we acknowledge God, it feels bad when we make mistakes. He is there for us. Guilt will lead us to God, who will comfort us and help us through what we’re going through. He can help us correct our mistakes and stop making mistakes. This is repentance. When we come out on the other side, we emerge stronger and better than before. It is a refiner’s fire. We go through a burning and cooling process that makes us stronger. On the other side, we feel better and wiser than when we made the original mistake.

And now you know. And knowing is half the battle.

A man, a plan, and no canal.

In the battle between human rights and capitalism, I'm on the side of human rights. 

Plain and simple, the purpose of government is to maintain a peaceful society. A libertarian might say that the government shouldn’t poke its head into anything unless it’s necessary. The problem is that everybody thinks that exact thing. The issue is we don't agree on what is necessary. To be completely honest, we all need the government. However cozy you think your life is, the government is what’s keeping it afloat.

Our nation has a very strong rule of law. That means that the laws in our country are obeyed and enforced. If somebody burgles my house, the police will try to nab the perpetrator and the courts will bring them justice. The legislators will write laws that can then be broken. Our nation also has a strong sense of freedom. If I want to do something, anything—I can do it. The balance of these two ideals can be summed up thusly: I can start a business (capitalism), and the government will make sure that I’m playing fair (human rights). The government needs to maintain the safety of the populace (human rights) while allowing as much free reign as possible for businesses (capitalism). Some meddling is necessary in order to keep us free from threats such as monopolies, counterfeiting, unsafe products, swindlers, and unsafe working environments.

When it comes to politics, the media (and politicians) stick to hot-button issues on the whole. These are questions in the running of our country that stir up emotions: birth control, taxes, wealth, unemployment, healthcare, terrorism, etc. These issues have to do with opinions as well as facts. The facts, by the by, are often blurred by statistics, which the average person is unlikely to interpret correctly. This means that each side can blur what actually happened to promote their cause. Take for example the following statements: “Nearly 3,000 people died in the terrorist attacks on 9/11. It truly is a sad day for our country.” On the other, hand: “Only 3,000 people died in the terrorist attacks on 9/11. Considering the population and the severity of the damage, it is a miracle that figure is so low.” Both of these statements use the same numbers, but you can see how we can be bamboozled by the way the numbers are presented. Politicians lean on the emotions of their followers rather than on the cold hard facts. In the same year as 9/11 there were 37,795 deaths related to police reported traffic accidents according to the NHTSA: more than ten times the deaths in the terrorist attacks. How many politicians used traffic safety as a platform in the coming elections?

The point is, we really paid for our emotions with 9/11. The war in Afghanistan and the war in Iraq were started based on national sentiment rather on actual need (and possibly on racism), even though Al-Qaeda is based and funded in Saudi Arabia. The thought of the United States going to war with Saudi Arabia is laughable, considering our dependence on Saudi oil, because of course, besides emotions, politcs is money. Politicians talk about money because they have money, and because we have money and we want more. We want our money protected. We don’t want to spend money (capitalism), but we still want stuff (human rights). This is never going to happen because it just doesn’t make sense. There’s no such thing as a free lunch. Somebody is paying for food stamps (hint: it’s all of us).

Capitalism is always going to be at odds with human rights. Human rights cost money and very rarely give a return investment. Capitalism often skates over human rights for this very reason. The problem is that those with enough wealth to even think about running for president of this country are capitalists. These are men and women who got to where they are by preserving their own capitalist interests. I can only try to side with those with enough mercy and grace to also promote human rights. It’s a narrow balance. How do you preserve freedom for businesses as well as for individuals?

It may not even matter in today’s political atmosphere. A politician is going to say whatever it takes to get votes. The problem is that the nation on a whole has a very simple mindset. Individually we may have great ideas, but what is going to get votes is simple, psychologically important issues that affect all of us—instead of societally important issues.

It also may not matter because the president doesn't run this country—we do! If you think the 99% don’t have any control in this country, think again. I may not be in a big room full of legislators, but I know that I can write to Carol Shea-Porter (my house representative) and tell her what I think. But still, I’m not thinking big enough. The country does not reside in a single room, or in a single government entity. The government may be the binding force to the country, but it is not the steak and potatoes between two oceans. I am a part of this country and I’m going to do my part. Like Kennedy said: “It is not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country!” Not for your government, but for your country. What does it matter who is leading us? We are ademocracy—ruled by the people! We rule ourselves. We have enough free reign to do what is necessary in order to bring about our desired ends.

It is up to ALL OF US to bring the economy back to where it needs to be. It’s going to take ALL OF US to promote education. ALL OF US need to be honest when it comes to welfare. We don’t need a government to tell us what to do—we just need the government to maintain what we have worked so hard to produce. So vote! Not just for the president, but for our actual lawmakers—the congressmen. Don't listen to a millionaire tell you what he'll try (And mostly likely fail at) doing. Tell them what we want! And they're more likely to make it happen.

Wham!-Bam

DISROBE!

I like my readers to be comfortable.

It sufficeth me to say that my relationship with Melanie was one long fiasco.

I'm still processing everything. It's a little premature to say anything about it other than it's over.

Of course, I moved back to New Hampshire, back in with my parents. Just being back in New Hampshire has done wonders for my morale. Sometimes I feel like I can't do anything for myself--like I'm stuck. I felt that way before I was diagnosed with FM, I felt that way before I moved to Idaho, and I felt like that before I moved to Texas, and I felt like that up until now. Sometimes I need to remember who is in control.

see, Drive, by Incubus (the best song ever) is all about who is in control. Am I a slave to my addiction, or am I my own man, in control of my own fate? William Ernest Henley has the answer: "I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul."

So, what did I do? I'm currently working quite a lot of hours at Eddie Bauer where I am valued for the excellent work I do. I'm living at home where my food and rent is free, and yet--I'm still not making enough to make ends meet. I felt helpless for a while, and then I decided to start a career...

...in the U.S. Navy.

I've thought about it before, but now it only makes sense. I've only just started the process, so I don't know many details. But yes. The Navy. I hope to get into the CTI position, which is cryptology. I am quite good with languages so I think that is the place for me. After 4-6 years, I may continue where I left off, or reserves, or continue with a military career. Who knows where I'll be by that time. I'll let future Gabriel figure that out.