so Rexburg is ridiculously empty. Like...parking lots, buildings...everywhere is empty.
It totally sucks.
However, I've gotten to be good friends with people that I barely knew before. They are totally not my type--in a friend way--but that's really okay. They are quiet. They are gamers. They are not artsy at all--well one is. But I've spent most of my time with these two guys so far this vacation and I love it. We just chill. We'll all be doing different things, but we like to be around each other. Its so cool to just be one of the guys. I think I'll still be friends with them and stuff after the rest of humanity comes back to Rexxxburg.
I'll be honest, one of the guys is really cute. He's totally my type--as in the type of guy I'm attracted to. That's kinda weird, but besides his body, he's totally not attractive. He's super-quiet, which I just can't deal with. Its okay as a friend, but it helps control my man-hunger.
Today I was in the weirdest mood. I didn't want to talk. I just wanted to sit. I had a song in my head, but besides that nothing was in my head, besides how obviously awkward I was making Cat, 'cause SHE was certainly in a talking mood. I didn't mean to shut her down, I just didn't have a lot to say. I loved it! I'm never like that. I always have to say something, but not today. I think I've learned this from my new friends. We don't talk about anything. It's not even a challenge. We just don't talk a whole lot. We don't talk about politics, philosophy, my gayness, which they don't know about, religion, or our pasts, or hometowns...we just do stuff together. It's so liberating. I hope I can translate this into my life outside of vacation. I want to be able to remain silent. I don't like interrupting people or constantly telling stories. I HATE IT. I'm always blurting out things in an attempt to remain relevant.
I decided a while ago that I say so much stuff so that people won't suspect that I have something to hide...like the fact that I'm gay. But, I'm more free with that now. Now that my family knows, I don't care who knows. If it comes up, I'll talk about it.
In the meantime, I hardcore NEED a job.
---GABE
It was so WEIRD how quiet you were. Like, I was wicked concerned. You're NEVER quiet... especially around me. And it isn't like I always want to talk or something, it's just with you. :P I've decided to take on a more silent approach, too. Last semester I told my room-mates just about everything and Cassandra is well on her way to tell me everything... but I don't want her or Steffi to know everything about me. I talked a little about my previous room-mates and they kinda know a little bit about my dating past.. Cassandra always wants to talk about boys and that is just an awkward subject for me to talk about, lol.
ReplyDeleteI was so concerned because, yah, you're never silent, but when you ARE silent, it's because you're in a bad mood, mad about something, or just are afraid to say something cause you may say something to me you could end up regretting. So, that was where my true concern was.
I love you, Silent Walking Bear. =]
man-hunger! hahaha! Hadn't heard it put quite that way. We'll see how quiet you are Thursday!
ReplyDeleteQuiet is peace.
ReplyDeleteI've noticed that I've been talking a LOT more these past few months than I ever have before, outside of close relationships.
I miss the quiet.
I commend you on your peace, LOLL.
And thanks.
That comment was EXACTLY what I needed to be reminded of.
<3