lovely survey--i have opinions and these are them

[01] Do you have the guts to answer these questions and re-post as The Controversial Survey? Sure.

[02] Would you do meth if it was legal? No. Drugs = addiction.

[03] Abortion: for or against it ? I think abortion is wrong unless the mother or child are going to die if it is kept. Mental illness pregnant people…idk about that one. Rape---abortion is bad. Think of how pumped you’d be if you found out your mom still had you even though she was raped. It totally sucks, and if you need to you should give it up for adoption, but in general abortion = murder. BUT BUT BUT, I don’t think abortion should be illegal. Facing facts, a lot of people don’t feel the same way i do. Abortion happens—whether its illegal or not. If abortion were illegal then people would go to unsafe, unregulated means that are WAY more dangerous.

[04] Do you think the world would fail with a female US president? Basically. I know that sounds really sexist….and it is, lol. I tend not to trust females in leadership positions.

[05] Do you believe in the death penalty? Yeah. I figure if we don’t know what do with them, God can figure it out up there.

[06] Do you wish marijuana would be legalized already? I think so. I mean, I bet we’d do less drugs if it were legal, you know ? People would be more responsible about it if it were legal.

[07] Are you for or against premarital sex ? Against. Sexual desire is a Godgiven trait that is made to be expressed between a man and a woman in marriage.

[08] Do you believe in God ? I sure do…I’ve mentioned Him a few times already.

[09] Do you think same sex marriage should be legalized ? Okay, here goes. I’m all for gay rights. I think that it is terrible when people discriminate because of a person’s lifestyle. So what if they’re gay ? They are still children of God ! Gayness does not = bad people. Gayness doesn’t equal anything besides homosexual attraction. Go ahead and live your life the way that you want…but don’t call it marriage. Marriage is a divine institution started by God when he put Adam and Eve together. Marriage is between a man and a woman with the intention of having a family. I also believe that gay couples should not adopt. Children need both a male and female role model. There are some things that women are better at with kids, and some things that men are better at with kids.

[10] Do you think it's wrong that so many immigrants are moving into the country ? Immigrants are fun. Immigrants are responsible for a huge part of American culture. But for crying out loud, can you learn English ? If you want to come to my country there are a few things that you need to do for me to like you :
A) learn the language. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but most people speak English round these parts. I’m not asking for you to be proficiently amazing, but at least try to speak the freakin’ language.
B) Respect my religion. I know that I’m Christian. I don’t care what you are, but don’t ask for God to be taken away from the pledge or the nickels, don’t get all offended when everybody celebrates Christmas instead of Chanukkah or Ramadan. (I know I spelled Hannukah wrong. I’m not Jewish, sorry !) Channukah ? oh well.
C) Don’t force your culture on me. I should not be required to learn spanish for you and me to become friends. I like Cinco de Mayo, but I don’t have to celebrate it at school.
…and then we can be friends !

[11] A twelve year old girl has a baby, should she keep it ? 12 = YOUNG ! WTF is a 12-y-old girl doing having sex in the first place ? Lame. Potential rape victim, I guess. That totally sucks. That is a stinky situation. I think adoption is the best way to go. Maybe if the girls mom wants to care for the grandbaby, that’s fine. I mean, a lot of moms are still having kids when their children are 12 anyway.

[12] Should the alcohol age be kept at 21? Haha, this is probably the one thing I agree with Becca on. Alcohol age could be 44 or 2 for all the difference it’ll do me. My granddad was an alcoholic and I do NOT want anything close to that near my home. Alcohol = NO. As for going to parties with alcohol there are 4 excellent reasons why you shouldn’t go. 1 : you’ll give the appearance that you are okay with it. …and I’m not. 2 : The severity with which you view the situation will diminish. If you go to parties with alcohol you could blow it off as laughing at your drunk friends, when once you felt that it was damaging to society.

[13] Should the war in Iraq be called off? Its kinda like when your room is so messy that you don’t know where to start cleaning it up so you never do so your mom eventually has to clean it up for you so you don’t get nasty diseases from mold spores…Iraq…was a mistake. I don’t know where to start cleaning it up, but the USA doesn’t have a mom so….F-.

[14] Assisted suicide is illegal: do you agree? Um…I’ve been suicidal a lot in my past. Suicide is a bad thing and we should be trying to help in any way we can to prevent it. Assisted suicide is a terrible thing. I’ve thought about asking my friends to kill me and stuff and to think what would have happened if I had asked and they would have been like « okay, where’s the gun ? » I DONT THINK SO. Illegal YES.

[15] Do you believe in spanking your children ? I think i should poke my children with a cattle prod because electric shock has proven to be the most effective stimulus in learning new behaviors with lab rats…yeah spanking is okay as long as you’re not psychotic.

[16] Would you burn your countries flag for a million dollars? As much as I like America, I am super-broke. Like superbad, only superbroke. I’d take the $.

[17] Who do you think would have made a better US president? McCain or Obama ? Obama. McCain seemed too complacent and jeez, America needs CHANGE.

[18] What is the biggest problem with society that needs to be dealt with? I think that people need to learn how to love, and to express that love. I think that if everyone recognized everyone else as sons and daughters of God instead of whatever group they are a part of. I hate it when someone starts out a sentence with « The gays » or « The mormons » or « Catholics » or « black people » or any other group. There are so many difference in each of these groups that it is impossible to say one thing about all of them, or even define who they are. Well, okay, black people is pretty cut and dry when it comes to are you or aren’t you, but every individual is just that—individual—and cannot be defined by sexual orientation, or religion, or race, or political views.

[19] Are you afraid others will judge you from reading some of your answers? Come what judgments may. I know what I know. I’m just trying to figure stuff out. I’m not trying to tell someone how to think. I’m just telling people how I personally think. I know people think differently than I do and that’s okay. They’re still awesome.

New People

so Rexburg is ridiculously empty. Like...parking lots, buildings...everywhere is empty.

It totally sucks.

However, I've gotten to be good friends with people that I barely knew before. They are totally not my type--in a friend way--but that's really okay. They are quiet. They are gamers. They are not artsy at all--well one is. But I've spent most of my time with these two guys so far this vacation and I love it. We just chill. We'll all be doing different things, but we like to be around each other. Its so cool to just be one of the guys. I think I'll still be friends with them and stuff after the rest of humanity comes back to Rexxxburg.

I'll be honest, one of the guys is really cute. He's totally my type--as in the type of guy I'm attracted to. That's kinda weird, but besides his body, he's totally not attractive. He's super-quiet, which I just can't deal with. Its okay as a friend, but it helps control my man-hunger.

Today I was in the weirdest mood. I didn't want to talk. I just wanted to sit. I had a song in my head, but besides that nothing was in my head, besides how obviously awkward I was making Cat, 'cause SHE was certainly in a talking mood. I didn't mean to shut her down, I just didn't have a lot to say. I loved it! I'm never like that. I always have to say something, but not today. I think I've learned this from my new friends. We don't talk about anything. It's not even a challenge. We just don't talk a whole lot. We don't talk about politics, philosophy, my gayness, which they don't know about, religion, or our pasts, or hometowns...we just do stuff together. It's so liberating. I hope I can translate this into my life outside of vacation. I want to be able to remain silent. I don't like interrupting people or constantly telling stories. I HATE IT. I'm always blurting out things in an attempt to remain relevant.

I decided a while ago that I say so much stuff so that people won't suspect that I have something to hide...like the fact that I'm gay. But, I'm more free with that now. Now that my family knows, I don't care who knows. If it comes up, I'll talk about it.

In the meantime, I hardcore NEED a job.

---GABE

ZUT!! Ma famille n'est pas parfaite!

ZUT! Ma Famille n’est pas parfaite!

Well…I need to talk.

I’m gay. I like boys. I really want to kiss boys. I want to cuddle with boys. Sometimes at night I just…I really want to have a man right there with me. I feel like there’s an empty place in my bed that should be filled…preferably with a man. The only thing that helps me sleep on these nights is remembering that Jesus loves me and that he can help me through things. Cuddling with a pillow doesn’t work…’cause I only have one pillow. Sad day.
Sometimes I feel so lonely. I feel like nobody wants to be my friend. I feel like my friends don’t like me, or that I hang out with them, not vice versa. For example, I go into my friends rooms to say hi. They go into each other’s rooms all the time. Only one of my friends ever comes in my room when I’m in here by myself and that is still a rare occasion. I’m rooming with one of my friends next semester. I don’t even know how that’s going to go. I think he’s tired of me, or that he doesn’t like me anymore. He himself has seemed a little out of sorts lately, but I don’t feel like he’d appreciate me coming in.
I especially feel lonely when it comes to my family. A month ago I came out to my two oldest sisters who live in Utah while I was down there for a fireside. Everything went fine, but those two sisters don’t really get along or see eye to eye. A week or two later, I came out to the rest of my siblings (one more sister and two brothers-in-law). I had to do it over the phone because I couldn’t get down to Utah in time without missing a major test. I felt horrible in the first place for doing it over the phone. After I told them the big news, they got me off the phone real quick and had a conversation that I don’t think went very well.
I got a call later that night from my inactive sister. After I told her the first time, she just wanted to make sure that I was happy staying in the church and that she’d still love me if I wanted to pursue another lifestyle. I was touched, and shocked. Nobody had ever reacted like that. I pretty much bore my testimony to her of how happiness comes from following the gospel. Anyway. She called me again that night and she was really upset. She said that my even older sister that she doesn’t get along with said something like “well at least I didn’t try to convince him to leave the church!” I was shocked that she’d say that. I mean, I told her about the conversation with Alana, but I thought I made it pretty clear that she wasn’t trying to get me to leave the church.
I was pretty upset. I couldn’t believe that my oldest sister would say that. I decided that I was going to confront her about it. So the next day my oldest sister called. We had an okay conversation and then she started saying some negative things about my inactive sister and I said something along the lines of “I can’t believe you’d say that to her. That is not what I said, that is not what she said.” I explained. Then I said “You should back off of [inactive sister.] The best thing we can do is just be a good example.” My oldest sister completely freaked out. She said that she didn’t appreciate me telling her what to do with [inactive sister] and that I was being judgmental and that it wasn’t my place to tell her what to do. I was crushed. I’ve always been really close with my oldest sister. We pretty much never fought.
That was the last time I heard from any of my sisters apart from a little brief texting and one accident where I talked to my NH sister when I called my house. I wanted to talk to my parents who I talk to all the time. I just wished that any of them would call me and tell me what the heck is going on! I have no idea how my NH sister reacted, or worse, her husband. I just wished that I knew that they still loved me. It was completely inappropriate that they used me as a facilitator for their fighting. It made me feel horrible that I talked to them and then they fought about it. I hate that they fight. I hate how they don’t just get along. My oldest sister feels responsible to guilt my inactive sister into being more active, and my inactive sister takes it as an attack on her, which it pretty much is. I hate it so much.
So I feel really lonely. I don’t feel loved by anybody…except Cat and my delta friends. I feel like a bad person. I feel like maybe people shouldn’t like me. I guess that will take further explanation. I don’t think I’m ready to talk about that online, though. I just wish everybody knew all the things that I had done and loved me anyway. I just told one of my friends about a dark secret of mine and before I could even fully explain he said “you are a dead man.” I don’t think he took it well. Those of you who were at the Rexburg-IF group time before last know what I’m talking about.
UGH. I was so not ready for someone to think I’m a bad person for serious. I don’t know what I’m ready for. Love? I don’t even know if I’d allow new people to love me. I don’t know how serious I can take someone saying they like me, or that they’re my best friend. They always lie.

:(